It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
