your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
