you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
