He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize