dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
