how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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