Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Randomize
