Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
