That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
