Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
