I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
