Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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