Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
