I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Everything about him screamed your future.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
