I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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