I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
