Pants 0. Shit 1.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
