I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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