If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
