Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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