oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
