Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize