You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
