I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
