3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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