bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
