I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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