OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Randomize
