Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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