And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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