apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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