end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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