he wants to bone in the snuggie
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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