At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Alive.
So much puke
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
