I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
