tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
it was like eating out sand paper
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
that is very illegal...i love you.
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