Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
