You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
