Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
