HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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