I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
