I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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