My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
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