Plan B is the new Plan A
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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