I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
