I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
