Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize