So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
