i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
The adults are the big ones right?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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