Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
