should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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