Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
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