Why does Corona taste like a burp?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
