no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
