why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
