she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
