Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
