Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
