ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
