It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize