why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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