it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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