How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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