It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
