after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
