dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
