Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
