Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
hell yes lets make some ravioli
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize