Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
i think i just lost a toe
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