We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
