Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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