How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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