blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
