I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
