he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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