i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
