my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i love accidental penises.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
