Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
