In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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