I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
