bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
