a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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