imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
