He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
