if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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