I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
