The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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