i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
