My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
