You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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