I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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