took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
