...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize