If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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