my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
