the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
you would pick up someone in the library
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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