The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
