We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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