My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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