Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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