I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
