and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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