I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
