He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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